is that the moon?

new home

2009-04-03T13:14:00.001-05:00

THIS IS MY LAST POST FROM BLOGSPOT!!!!!!

i have officially set up shop at wordpress. i’ll be blogging from here for the foreseeable future. much love. thanks for trying to keep up with my strange, strange life and musings…

shameless plug

2009-04-02T21:02:00.002-05:00

hey guys, a good friend of mine, tyler lyle, just put out a new ep entitled "bare." if you are into singer/songwriter stuff, you should really check it out! the new record is on noise trade right now available for preview/purchase. noisetrade.com is a super cool site that allows you to decide how much you want to pay for a record before you buy it. check it out.

much love. thanks for letting me shamelessly plug an incredible artist!

torn

2009-04-02T17:12:00.004-05:00

i am torn between all of the blogging sites. it seems that none of them are exactly what i want. it is as if they all get together and have conversations about how they can each offer a lot of things, but one site cannot offer everything i want. it's kind of weird to write a blog to complain about blogging websites. oh well.

discontent

2009-04-01T12:56:00.002-05:00

i stayed up too late last night, but i'm pretty ok with that. a few axis leaders and i got into a 4 hour conversation about some discontents that we have about life/church. it was incredible to see the passion and desire in this group to become (more and more) true worshippers of Jesus. i am really thankful to be a part of a community that is not ok with the status quo and wants to push the envelope of how can we better follow Christ and bring others to Him.

what is your discontent right now? what are you doing about it?

grace

2009-03-31T09:50:00.003-05:00

last night in my small group, we were going through the last chapter of paul's second letter to timothy, and we got into a conversation about grace. chris brought up the fact that almost every epistle in the new testament begins and/or ends with some form of the phrase, "grace be with you." as we discussed this, i realized that paul and i had something in common.

paul grew up in a jewish culture where it was all about what you did. the pharisees had great influence in this. it was all about rules. to a much lesser degree, i grew up (as the son of a baptist pastor) in a rules based religious structure. *this "rules based" religious system was not constructed by my parents, but by the people of the church creating a fish bowl in which i was to live and move and breathe. for much of my middle school and high school spiritual life, i acted out of fear of how i would be judged (by church-members) more than out of genuine love for JESUS... so, i understand why paul talks about grace so much, beginning and ending almost every letter with an affirmation of the grace we have in Christ.

i have to CONTINUALLY remind myself of this grace that changes things. everything. i want to live a life full of grace. i want to live a life that oozes grace to people i don't get along with, to my family, to my friends, to my co-workers.

rest assured in the overwhelming grace of God. give it/show it/live it to others.

"The Lord be with your spirit. Grace be with you." (2 timothy 4:22)

rise:stl

2009-03-28T21:02:00.003-05:00

yesterday, we got back from a week-long mission trip to inner-city st. louis. we took about 30 high-school students and 10 adult leaders from our ministry. it was a great experience! we saw so much poverty. we saw so much need.

however, the most impactful thing that i saw this week was the passion and work ethic of our students. i was so impressed at how hard our students worked to further the work of a couple of churches in the city. they exhibited unbelievably positive attitudes no matter what work was put in front of them.

i've been on a lot of mission trips, as a student and leader, and i have never seen such good attitudes for the entirety of a trip.

it was really a blessing to be a part of.

folk music

2009-03-21T11:12:00.002-05:00

i have been writing a ridiculous amount of songs this past week. most of these songs are written in the folk vein. weird. i didn't really listen to much folk music before a couple of months ago. my good friend tyler lyle is an excellent songwriter living in carrollton, ga (at the moment). a month or two ago, tyler exposed me to the beautiful music of josh ritter. since then, i've been hooked on the folk stuff. there's just a rawness/authenticity to it that i can't get enough of.

word to your mother.

soul pancake

2009-03-19T11:05:00.005-05:00

i ran across an interesting site this morning. it's called SoulPancake.com. it is a site (created by Rainn Wilson [Dwight from the office]) where people can discuss openly the subjects of art and spirituality/religion. he posts questions and then allows people to respond and discuss their opinions and beliefs openly. i think this could be a great place for us to go and share TRUTH with people who are already open to talk about the BIG questions of life.

so, if you have a few minutes, click here and interact with a secular community asking honest questions and seeking TRUTH.

¹³'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

unpack

2009-03-18T18:12:00.003-05:00

i have a tendency to look towards the next step ("always thinking one step ahead; like a carpenter who makes stairs." ha. i love the office.). i don't think it is bad to think/plan ahead. however, it is wrong to live for tomorrow. or even worse IN tomorrow. this is exactly where i am in my life right now. the end of my internship is in sight. scary and exciting. i have no idea where the next step will take me. but i really want to go ahead and get there. there is something about the human condition that moves us to avoid attachment. to avoid pain. we choose the easiest path. it's a coping mechanism. so much of our decisions are made on the understanding of which option will be less painful, and that sucks.

i moved in with a new family. my room has been full of boxes/suitcases for 2 weeks. today, i unpacked. i have been super busy the past couple of weeks and was just not able to carve out the time to do it before today. *part of me didn't want to unpack, because i know i will just be packing everything up again in a couple of months. however, as long as my things were all in suitcases/boxes, i couldn't enjoy my room. too much stuff everywhere [not very homey (sp?)].

i know i live my emotional/spiritual life the same way a lot of times. i don't unpack anything/open myself up to real relationships, because i know it won't be too long until i'll be moving along in life, and it will hurt to leave. BUT YOU HAVE TO UNPACK TO EXPERIENCE TODAY. it's not easy, but it's necessary. so, let's unpack. let's live today. let's make our choices not based on the avoidance of pain but on the pursuit of significance, the pursuit of a Savior.

God would never choose for us safety at the cost of significance. God created you so that your life would count, not so that you could count the days of your life. -Erwin McManus

just a thought

2009-03-17T16:55:00.002-05:00

i never realized how much my body missed the sun until the past two days. thank you illinois.

thoughts on friday

2009-02-27T23:23:00.003-06:00

it is 11:24pm on a friday night, and i just finished cleaning my room after working all evening. trying to remember what it's like to look forward to friday nights. when you work all weekend, friday is actually more like monday, and monday is the new friday.

[these are my thoughts as i try to figure out "a place" for everything in my room instead of just throwing it all in the bottom of my closet.]

love and grace

2009-02-24T08:30:00.005-06:00

i've been thinking a lot about grace lately. it's so much BIGGER than i can understand. as i've been studying scripture, i've just been overwhelmed with the extent of the grace and love of God. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." that's what grace means, i think. grace is giving unconditional love and acceptance to someone who does not deserve it. to someone who has wronged you. or someone you simply don't like. we were hostile towards God. we were against Him, and He chased us down just to show us how He loves. unconditionally.

we don't have the capacity to understand the full extent of God's unconditional grace and love. and that is ok. but we are called to live it out and to share it just as God has shared it with us.

i think it is time for the church to chase people down, to pursue people, just to show them how much we love them and more than that, how much they are loved by God.

do something crazy to show the world around you just how great the love of God is.

everything is amazing and nobody is happy

2009-02-23T14:29:00.003-06:00

this guy has great perspective.

everything is amazing and nobody is happy

3 records i can't live without (this week)

2009-01-28T15:29:00.003-06:00

i have had 3 albums on constant rotation this week on my ipod, and i figured that i should share them with all of you!

1. the killers- day and age. *one of the most creative rock albums i've heard in a while. quite funky.

2. kings of leon- only by the night. *they are effortlessly modern. and timeless. a seamless combination of indie and their southern roots. great vocals.

3. jon foreman- spring ep. *it reminds me that spring is coming. beautifully simple.

what are three albums that you are stuck on right now?

presidential inauguration

2009-01-24T13:08:00.003-06:00

if you've ever wondered what a 1474 megapixel picture looks like, you should check this out. david bergman took this series of pictures of the presidential inauguration on tuesday using a robotic camera called a gigapan. check out the results here.

some confessions

2009-01-24T12:28:00.005-06:00

i am addicted to caffeine, but i didn't know it until last tuesday.

i cut my hair off on a whim in mid-january while living in northern illinois. cold.

i have problems shaving regularly (i blame this on no shave november).

i love to write/write music more than almost anything but rarely find time to sit down and do it.

i have a hard time reading books on spiritual formation slowly enough to actually harness the wisdom therein.

i miss my creative writing classes from college.

i read the classics for fun.

i thrive when in real community.

i despise working retail.

i don't hate the cold as much as i thought i would.

i am scared that my writing will never be as good as it was at the back corner table at jittery joe's coffee shop @ five points in athens, ga.

i don't know where i'll be in 5 months. and that is ok.

new year's resolutions

2009-01-21T13:03:00.004-06:00

so, this may be a little late, but here are the resolutions that i have landed on for 2009:

i want to read the bible all the way through this year. i think that i have probably read the entire thing. however, i have never used a method that ensures that i catch every word. i'm really excited about this one!

i want to make a great effort to observe a sabbath day each week. with my work schedules right now, this is no easy task, but it is already proving worthwhile!

i want to have 12 original songs that are ready for recording by the end of 2009. *this is going to be the hardest one, because i'm ridiculously critical of my own writing/music. so, it is really hard for me to get to the place where i'm ready for my art to be heard by others...

so, there they are. now, they're official. ha.

anyone else have any interesting resolutions that you're working towards or have already failed at???

rest?

2008-12-24T17:04:00.005-06:00

i must say i'm experiencing a bit of a culture shock being back in GA. it is 60 degrees outside, and i have absolutely nowhere i have to be right now. with all my endeavors in the great state of illinois, i really just don't have much time to figure out what to do with. most of my time is pretty much planned out for me (by my work schedules). so, i'm having a little bit of a problem. i feel like i should be doing something. i don't have anything that i really need to be doing. but i feel like i should. i'm not sure if this is just a natural response to a vacation away from a busy schedule or if this is God telling me that i've forgotten how to rest. i wonder if somehow i've tied activity to worth/importance somewhere in my mind and am now experiencing the backlash.

i'll be in GA 8 more days (most of those days' activities not being particularly scheduled out). hopefully, i'll learn to embrace this rest so that i can really enjoy every bit of time i get to spend chillin' with my awesome family and friends!

no better place than now

2008-12-22T20:04:00.003-06:00

i've come to the end of my first of two semesters here at willow creek mchenry county. it has been one of the most challenging experiences i've ever had to face. there is something about taking a risk that allows you to be in the place to accept the GREATEST reward. moving to the away from all of my family and friends was not easy. moving away from every ministry connection i have ever had was not easy. moving to the arctic tundra in which i currently live was not easy. but it was necessary. it took moving away from everything i ever knew to realize all that i had been missing.

one of the biggest things that i've learned from my time here has been the immediacy of the gospel. in my life. in your life. now. i think i've always just lived with a sense of tomorrow. God will do great things tomorrow. i'll push into who God really wants me to be tomorrow. i'll be love to a broken world tomorrow. this way of thinking is so prevalent in the church today. and in me. but it is so TOXIC. if there is no URGENCY in the gospel, then there is no gospel. TODAY is the day of salvation.

annie dillard said, "how we live our days is how we live our lives."

i have found that this statement could not be more true. i've seen it in my life. i think that this principle applies to the urgency with which we live our lives. so, looking forward to the holidays, take advantage of the opportunities you have everyday. with the people that you don't see that often. with the people you see all the time. with the people you're mad at in traffic or at the mall. let us be a people who live our lives with urgency and purpose. today. now.

ode

2008-12-10T17:44:00.004-06:00

today, i miss athens. here are some things that make the list:

jittery joe's @ 5 points, park hall, cine, blind pig, barberito's, north campus, downtown, 86f, the fam, courtney and k thor talking about 6 girl, milledge avenue, wesley, watkinsville fbc, will's mom's house, the fire pit at the farm, christmas tree hunt, the 40 watt, swat, jon's house, yin yang mocha, waterfall, the elephant dance, main library, practice rooms at the school of music, the botanical gardens, trapeze, tasty world, milkshakes at the grill, inoko express, beechwood chickfila, rafferty's with chris black, hamburger sauce, georgia theater.

yesterday, i ran across this poem that i wrote about a regular at jittery joe's 5 points.

A Jittery Joe

Each note from his guitar ministers to his surroundings. The song in the tree above him flies away but continually returns. Her home is the tree that shades his favorite place. His home is the bench between the outdoor restroom and the front door. The two garage doors at the front of the building, almost imperceptible, reveal that his favorite coffee shop used to be a service station. Now, from open to close, it is a home. It is his home, but I’m not sure he ever goes in. Hushed. The calm intensity adds to his mystery. Everyone sees him there, but no one says hi. I’m not sure he sees us. But I see him. I see him there, hazy sunlight peering through his horn-rimmed glasses to squinting eyes. His eyes are lines of satisfaction on a sun-dried face. A gentle voice leaks from parted lips, chapped by the ever present breeze. The indiscernible notes that result, minister to the addicts around him, seeking their daily fix. With every strum, the wind whips in approval around the ancient façade of the bustling landmark, satisfied with his tranquil ministry.

allegiance

2008-12-08T12:21:00.003-06:00

for the past few months, i've been thinking a lot about allegiance. allegiance to God. allegiance to people. allegiance to country. allegiance to party. allegiance to sports team. we all have allegiances. it's in our dna to identify with someone/something. the question i've been pondering is how sin contributes to and distorts this desire in our hearts.

we are all born with an innate desire to know and have relationship with our creator. throughout scripture, we see this play out. this is our identity: to be know God and be known by Him. we ARE His. however, our sin nature that we are born with (because of the fall) distorts this identity. we become fragmented. all of a sudden, our identity as CREATION and TREASURE of the most high God is not enough. it is too risky. not tangible enough. so, we try to find our identities in everything else (what we're good at. what we're not good at. who we know. etcetera.).

i think this is where allegiances come in.

we want to belong. we want to fit in. we believe in something, and find security in what that group means. i observed this over and over throughout the campaigns of the recent presidential election. each side told their people what they wanted to hear. security often dictates allegiance. i understand why the world operates in such a manner. however, i feel deeply convicted about the allegiances that christians are willing to forge. ARE WE MORE AMERICAN THAN CHRISTIAN?

the office of president of the united states is one of the most important and pivotal roles in the world today. however, placing all of our hope in what one imperfect man can do is one of the greatest tragedies i have seen in my lifetime.

psalm 130:7
"O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.

this is just my humble understanding.

check this out

2008-12-03T14:13:00.004-06:00

a dear friend and mentor of mine is the pastor of a church plant outside of richmond, va. he blogged about what happened at his church this past sunday, and i just want to share it with you. i was so challenged when i read it that i was seriously brought to tears. it is amazing to me how beautiful TRUE sacrifice is. i hope it encourages and challenges you as much as it did me!!!

check out his blog here.

bad parenting

2008-11-25T19:24:00.003-06:00

i walked into the bathroom tonight at o'charley's and saw a man helping his son with his business at the urinal. no big deal. the little guy needed help, and i am glad his father was there to help. however, what happened next had me questioning the type of parenting that was taking place. upon finishing his task, the son walked towards the sink that was obviously too high for him to reach. *at this point, any decent human being would have picked his son up so that he could reach the sink, because washing one's hands is quite important. however, instead of doing this prescribed task, the father said, "no. that's too high for you" and ushered him out of the restroom. i was appalled. and still am. unforgivable.

the importance of story

2008-11-18T09:55:00.003-06:00

right now, in my life, God is teaching me a lot about the importance of story. the importance of other people's stories. the importance of my own story. the importance of God's story. people understand story. it's how we relate.

in high school, we would sit at the lunch table and just tell story after story after story. that's all we did. people learn who you are through the stories you tell and vice versa. however, i am now seeing a disconnect that i didn't understand then: it is a give and take relationship. we must be listening and connecting to other people's stories as well as telling our own. back then, (and even sometimes now) we would just wait for our turn to top the current story with a zinger of our own instead of listening and understanding.

we all know that jesus communicated with stories. how else would this world understand any of his messages? there would be no point of reference. he came with a message of a better way to live, and explained it in a way that people could relate to. he told stories.

acts 14:27 says, "When they had arriced and gathered the church together, they began to report all things that God had done with them and how He had opened a door of faith to the Gentiles." let me clarify: THEY TOLD STORIES. THEIR STORIES. OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES.

development/change/transformation happens in the context of relationship. tell your story. listen [really listen] to someone else's story. it will change you. let it.

help!!!

2008-11-07T16:55:00.002-06:00

hey guys. i just received 2 $10 itunes gift cards and can't decide on what albums to get. any suggestions?

this is why i love atlanta

2008-10-31T14:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4TIitZpqv4&feature=related

new creation

2008-10-29T10:22:00.003-05:00

i know that i've shared this video with a lot of you already, but i literally just woke up with this expression in my mind and my heart. so, i want to share it with the rest of you guys who haven't seen it...

this is one of the most creative/beautiful artistic expressions i've ever seen within the church:

http://vimeo.com/1797430?pg=embed&sec=1797430

*it is from fellowship church in texas.

i'm not in GA anymore

2008-10-27T11:13:00.003-05:00

last night at the church, we had a big "trunk or treat" deal for halloween. excuse me, "fall festival." hahaha. anyways, it was in the 30s and the wind was blowing in excess of 20mph, a lot of the activities were outside, and people still showed up. if this was to happen in GA, there would have been 3 people there, and they would have complained about the weather the entire time.

however, it is now quite obvious to me that either these people are A.) gluttons for punishment (or bad weather as it were), or B.) they just really like candy. whatever the case may be, i am certain that i am not in GA anymore...

crescendo

2008-10-22T17:38:00.004-05:00

one of the coolest things that God has been teaching me over the past week or so has been through the verse Habakuk 1:5, which says, "look at the nations and watch, for I [God] am going to do something in your day that you would not believe even if you were told." that takes my breath away. gets me really excited. and scares me to death.

our axis leadership team has committed to focusing on this verse everyday, and it's really messing me up (in a really beautiful way). this verse has just thrown me into thinking about the message of Christ throughout history. there have been some pretty incredible advances. from a group of just a few disciples to literally millions. wow.

so, here's where this gets tough: i was leading worship a couple of weeks ago for our high schoolers and we were doing the song "God of this city." there's a part of this song that says, "greater things have yet to come. greater things are still to be done in this city." as i was leading, these words just almost brought me to tears, because i wasn't sure if i really believed it. and that scared me...

today, as i was driving to work and praying through habakuk 1:5, God linked these to concepts in my mind. i was trying to understand where i fit in all of this. i had so many questions. does this verse really apply to me as an individual? does God really have greater things planned for me? these are things that i believe in my head, but sometimes i lack the understanding in my heart. but God spoke so clearly to me in that moment.

i was listening to a song on my ipod and as it came to the end, the band ended with a huge crescendo, and right there in my car on randall road, God said, "live a crescendo. push into me more and more, and you really will see greater things. you will see things that you wouldn't believe even if I told you." i couldn't speak. it was one of the most significant moments i've ever had in my entire life...

let's live a crescendo. does this resonate with anyone else?

vaca

2008-10-15T14:08:00.003-05:00

i just finished reading hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. amazing. it was a far cry from my typical, contemporary christian readings, but i must say, it was a welcomed break. it was really like a vacation for my mind. yes...

i get so caught up in church work and ministry a lot of times that i forget that i love to read, and write, and make art in general. this book definitely took me back to a time in college when i was forced (by various creative writing instructors *to whom i am eternally grateful) to read things that i would never have chosen for myself to read. they stretched me so much. artistically and intellectually. however, since graduation, which is now about 10 months ago (weird), i have not read one thing of that nature.

well, that stops now. i think jesus doesn't like it when we neglect the gifting that he has given us. balance, i'm learning more and more, is the key to my walk...

small victory

2008-10-13T22:28:00.003-05:00

today, i went to borders bookstore. i love it there. however, i do have a tendency to fall into the trap of buying the newest book by one of my favorite christian authors almost every time i go. however, i've been learning so much lately about slowing down my performance driven understanding of what it means to be a christian and just allowing God to renovate me from the inside out. easier said than done to be sure.

so, today when i was at borders, i ran across rob bell's new book, Jesus wants to save christians. i couldn't have agreed more with the title. but i resisted the temptation to just buy another book to buy another book, and i put it down. i will read this book at some point, but that does not mean i have to rush through it right now.

this is pretty much the first time that i have resisted such an urge. it's a really small step. but it is a step. a step towards killing my performance based spirituality. a step towards life. maybe even a step towards Jesus saving this christian.

what is the one thing in your life that, although it isn't inherently bad, you wish Jesus would save you from? i understand if you don't want to comment. but it could be cool if you did...

hilarity in the bathroom

2008-10-07T18:16:00.003-05:00

so, i really wanted to blog about this yesterday, but i ended up not having time. *the fact that i didn't have time to blog is kind of misleading. i actually had the day off, but i ended up throwing myself into a new book! i digress.

yesterday afternoon, i went to barnes and noble to do a little reading and to just enjoy the atmosphere. for some reason, i absolutely love the atmosphere of pretty much any coffee shop or book retailer...after reading for a bit, i started looking around the books (which turned out to be a two hour affair). i think i have a problem. ha. anyways, after about two hours of browsing, my bladder was ready to burst. so, i ventured towards the restroom. the plot thickens.

upon my arrival at the urinal, i observed that both stalls were occupied. i was notified of this by the subtle grunts of the inhabitants. anyways, as i was washing my hands after fulfilling my duties at the half-stall, a chubby 10 year old walks in with a look of determination and fear. i knew that look. so, i decided to wash my hands quite thoroughly in order to observe the events that were about to transpire!

the kid checked both stall doors with a little shake of the handle and received devastating results. locked. locked.

at this point, the look on the kid's face goes from fear to sheer terror. i knew what was coming... after backing away from the stalls and a brief moment of silence, the kid let out a cry for help, "excuse me sir, no offense but do you know how long you're going to be in there? because i really, really have to go!" -silence. awkward. (at this point i'm caught between wanting to run out before the kid exploded and wanting to see the titillating end to this frightening saga). again, "sir?!" finally a response, "i'll be just one second!"

i started to giggle as i heard rushed attempts to wrap up the festivities in the handicapped stall. incredible. i, then, had to rush out of the bathroom so i didn't just die laughing! i'll never be sure what happened next, but i'm positive that that had to be one of the most awkward moments ever experienced in that restroom!

some say it's skill. some chalk it up to luck. i'll just say i was in the right place at the right time...

Luther on Music

2008-09-28T15:01:00.002-05:00

i ran across this earlier today. i'm a big luther fan, and i really like what he says about music. i totally resonate with what he says here:

When man's natural musical ability is whetted and polished to the extent that it becomes an art, then do we note with great surprise the great and perfect wisdom of God in music, which is, after all, His product and His gift; we marvel when we hear music in which one voice sings a simple melody, while three, four, or five other voices play and trip lustily around the voice that sings its simple melody and adorn this simple melody wonderfully with artistic musical effects, thus reminding us of a heavenly dance, where all meet in a spirit of friendliness, caress and embrace. A person who gives this some thought and yet does not regard music as a marvelous creation of God, must be a clodhopper indeed and does not deserve to be called a human being; he should be permitted to hear nothing but the braying of asses and the grunting of hogs.

(Martin Luther, 1538, in his foreword to a collection of chorale motets)

*don't be a clodhopper.

wild goose chase II

2008-09-27T22:01:00.003-05:00

so, i just finished mark batterson's second book, wild goose chase. i blogged about it back a few weeks ago when i had just started it (if you can remember back that far)... there were many victories within my experience of this book. it really came at a perfect time for me...

i'm a learner. i really dig getting into a book and bulldozing my way through it and then moving on to the next. this is alright in certain settings. however, when reading a book about spiritual formation or the things of God, this method is really detrimental to the overall experience and purpose! this thought had never occurred to me until recently. God revealed to me, through His word and some key conversations with my small group, that i was really getting nothing out of these books when i was reading them. they were really just another thing i was DOING to make myself feel better. that sucks. so, i committed to my small group that i was going to start taking my time reading through spiritual literature and the Bible. wild goose chase is the first major victory that i've experienced since God granted me this insight.

the more i really dove into the words of this book, the more God revealed to me his grace in my shortcomings. *this is kind of interesting, because God's grace is not an explicit topic in the book. however, batterson speaks much of how his failures have led him to the exact place that God wanted him and that without those failures (i.e. the failed church plant, giving up his basketball scholarship), he never would have gotten to where God was wanting him to go. THERE IS SO MUCH FREEDOM IN THAT.

many times, i look back on my life, and i just see failure after failure. missed opportunities. selfish goals. pride. but now, i think i'm really starting to understand that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. and that he chose to use the foolish things on this earth to shame the wise. *i want to be one of those foolish things.

so, let's chase after God really hard. and fail. and keep chasing. and fail again. God is using my every failure to get me to where He wants me, and more importantly, He is using everything to mold me into the man that he dreams of me becoming.

it took me an entire month to read this book. thank God for these small victories.

indescribable

2008-09-26T13:30:00.002-05:00

here are two things that are making me laugh a lot right now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4LbYhdmjG4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8

they are both completely real. and horrifying.

b+ *but a great ending

2008-09-26T00:02:00.002-05:00

i gotta say that i give today a solid b+. it started off pretty mundane with folding clothes at gap all morning, but the afternoon and evening really breathed new life into the day as a whole! after adam and i had our one on one meeting, we set up the stage for rehearsal (which was at 7pm instead of the normal 4, because we are using an adult volunteer band instead of a student band this week to give the students a break). i think it's going to be a really fun service!

after we set up the stage, i spent some alone time with my pedal board; tweaking each pedal to get the optimal tone from the ole fender deville amp. good times. sometimes, it's just really nice to sit alone and work on something you love--with no interuptions from phone calls, emails, meetings, etc. it really was a fun time! after working on my pedal board for about an hour, i went and grabbed some dinner and headed right back to the church for rehearsal. it went really well. even better than i was expecting!

after rehearsal, i headed to scott woods's house for small group and the season premiere of the office!!!!!!!!! i really love my small group! we're going through a book right now called sould revolution. it is incredible. i'll try to blog about it tomorrow. or saturday. small group was amazing. however, the most hilarious thing happened while we were watching the office season premiere...

scott's dog, wrigley, has been sick recently, and apparently this sickness has left her with an unquenchable urge to scratch the area right under her tail. yes, that area. so, she is constantly scooting her but across the carpet. which is really funny. but on this particular evening, the carpet was just not cutting it. so, while sitting in matt wentz's lap, she just started scooting her butt on his jeans. wow. can we just take a second to appreciate that moment? thanks. all of us started laughing so hard that we were rolling around on the ground. at this point, wrigley apparently got embarrased and went and layed down with a sad look on her face. *honestly one of the funniest moments i've ever experienced since i moved here. oh wow.

also, usc lost. so, uga is one step closer to the national championship if we just take care of business! great end to an ok day!!!!!!!!

bob dylan

2008-09-24T20:05:00.002-05:00

today was pretty chill. i had an all staff meeting at big Willow (south barington), but other than that, my day was quite uneventful. i have to be honest...i'm pretty stoked about just being home for the evening with nothing to do. ahh. drink it in. ha.

so, i turned on the tele (hoping that there would be something halfway worthwhile to watch *but willing to settle for anything remotely entertaining). thankfully, i stumbled upon a great documentary on bob dylan. i love learning about where great music actually comes from. what were the circumstances surrounding the composition, etc.? love it. one thing that really caught my attention was the way that everyone described "bobby." countless times, people referred to bob as the voice of a generation. wow. what a title? what a responsibility? *this got me thinking.

who is the voice of our generation? but perhaps even more, what is the voice of our generation saying? i couldn't come to a true objective opinion of who this voice would be. however, i think that the voice may be that of bono. don't judge yet. let me explain. i hear the voice of our generation (having more [materially] than any other generation) screaming out at the top of our lungs in an arena BUT I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR!!!!!!

this feels sad. but it rings so true. we have tried everything but we still haven't found what we're looking for, and how could we unless someone shows us the way?! this is where we come in (you know the light of the world. the city on a hill. the light shining brightly in the darkness). if we're the light, but we're not shining, how are they to know, or even attempt to find, the truth?

our generation is crying out for a group of people to burn with passion for something that satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts: to be in loving relationship and community with our very Creator.

let's burn. let's shine. brighter*

what a day!

2008-09-23T23:36:00.002-05:00

so, it is 11:37pm, and this is the first time i've been able to get online all day! sometimes, you plan out your days, and the day comes and goes exactly as you expected. other times that does not happen. this was one of those days.

i woke up at 9:26. 9:26 you may say is a perfect time to wake up. and i may agree with you on many other days. however, 9:26 is a completely inappropriate time to wake up when you have an 8 o'clock meeting and have to be at work at 9:30 (especially since work is 20 minutes away). thus, my day started quite inappropriately. ugh. i thought to myself, "self, i know i set my alarm." and i must add that i was quite right with this assertion. however, what i (in all my wisdom) forgot to do was set my alarm for 7am instead of 7pm. apparently, there are to 7 o'clocks each day. i chose the wrong one...

this put me in quite the funk all day. i was so mad at myself for being irresponsible. i hadn't done that in years. ugh. but then, i realized that i was simply the only person that really cared about what had happened. my boss was very cool about it. no big deal. the meeting went on without me. done. however, i let it affect me most of the day. kind of sad when you think about it.

i wonder what kind of opportunities i missed today. conversations. kind words that i could offer. i got pretty convicted about that this afternoon as i was listening to the second part of the influence series (from last week at willow). bill was talking about being continually praying for the redemption of people that we know that are far from God and our tendency to stray from that mode of thinking. i missed it today. but i won't miss it tomorrow.

a shepherd lost 1 sheep. he left the 99 to go after the one.

*let there be an urgency in our hearts, our minds, and our mouths to give an explanation for the hope that we have.

7 day experiment

2008-09-22T17:48:00.004-05:00

i love to write. songs. poetry. short non-fiction. possibly even micro-fiction. however, i have a really hard time actually taking the time to sit down and do it. the thing is that i really do find out a little bit more about myself every time i take out the pen (or the keyboard as the case may be). i need to write more...

my friend, lauren, and i had a discussion recently that revealed so much to me about my blogophobia (yes, i just made up that word). lauren said that she has a really hard time writing in her moleskine, because every time she wants to, she then talks herself out of it, because she feels that her thoughts are not profound enough to be preserved. i have a similar problem.

i have a hard time blogging. there's so much pressure. *this better be good. if this isn't the most profound thought ever, then people will think my blog is lame. so, in order to get past this, i am committing to blog everyday for the next week. i am not claiming that there will be something extremely profound everyday. but there will be something everyday!

wish me luck.

i dare each of you to do the same.

the (definitive) movie list

2008-09-17T10:00:00.003-05:00

here's what i've come up with:

1. braveheart (every man dies, but not every man truly lives)
2. saving private ryan (my favorite war movie. tom hanks is incredible.)
3. dumb and dumber (the movie that birthed a passion for quoting movies in my life. ha)
4. anchorman (the best will ferrell movie ever. filled with one-liners that still make me double over laughing)
5. fight club (life-changing. well written. well produced. ed norton, you are the man.)
6. orange county (the most underrated of all jack black movies. ridiculously funny.)
7. once (this is a new one for me, but it is probably one of the most significant films that i've ever seen. amazing.)
8. the patriot (an incredible story of character and honor in the most trying times. love it.)
9. the matrix (this changed every perception i had about film when it came out. set the bar high for special effects in films.)
10. napoleon dynamite (i saw this movie 5 times in the theatre. it was totally different than any film i had ever seen. tina, you fat lard, come get your dinner.)

what do you guys think?

movie list?

2008-09-14T23:05:00.004-05:00

so, upon the prompting of a couple of my homies, i am currently working on a top 10 movie list. this is much more difficult than it seems (a lot is at stake). however, i commit to having one up in the next few days. wirth, i expect you to come up with one too.

any suggestions?

wild goose chase

2008-09-08T16:54:00.003-05:00

so, i have an addiction to good books. in that, i love to read things that change my perspective. one of the 3 books that i'm reading right now is mark batterson's new book, wild goose chase. it truly is rocking my world, and it really came at the PERFECT time in my life! *i love it when that happens. chalk it up to God's providence. ha.

i'm only about halfway through it at this point, but that in itself is a victory for me, because i've been reading through it for about three weeks now. typically, i read through books as fast as i can which tends to be detrimental to the overall growth process. i think.

the book is centered around the idea that the holy spirit is inviting each of us on an adventure/chase of sorts. many times this chase seems ridiculous and illogical to the outside world! never have i identified with this truth more than right now. i really do feel like i am on a really wild goose chase!!!!

so, my encouragement--maybe more appropriately--my dare to you guys is to do something crazy. follow the urging of the spirit. this may be something as simple as just walking across the room (a little inside humor for you creekers), or it could be as crazy as starting a non-profit. either way, what i am quickly finding out is that with each step of faith (and fear), God reveals just a bit more of who He is...

it is an incredibly exciting journey. i would love to hear your stories! and i will make sure to share mine as well...

city

2008-09-03T22:46:00.002-05:00

monday, i got to spend the whole day in the city (chicago). a really cool friend of mine from college has been living there for 2 years, and we finally got a chance to hang out! we both tend to be really busy which makes this difficult, but after a month of failed attempts, we actually achieved the impossible. fantastic.

i haven't really gotten to spend that much time in the city since i moved to the fabulous state of illinois...so, this was a welcome deviation from the routine of my life in the burbs. the weather was perfect. well, it may have been a little warm. ok, it was hot, but i have promised myself that i will never complain about it being hot outside, because i know that it will only be a few short weeks until it won't be warm anymore. so, i don't want to waste the great weather complaining about it being too hot...

anyways, i got downtown at about noon, and after a short walk and a couple of phone calls, lauren and i finally met up! family reunion. ha. from there, we took the blue line out to bucktown and wicker park (which may be my new favorite neighborhoods ever). really cool/artsy district. we ate lunch and just walked around a bit before heading over to the beach at lake michigan. now, i have always had a problem with people referring to areas around lakes as beaches, because in my mind, the word "beach" denotes saltwater. however, i suspended this abhorrence for the sake of an incredible afternoon of people watching with lauren. it was so crowded. lauren and i found a cool place to sit on a concrete wall that jutted out into the water--perfect place to people watch and get splashed a bit by the occasional big wave.

from the beach, we walked over to the zoo in lincoln park and hung out with the primates for a bit and then on to wrigleyville. a really wonderful afternoon of just walking around and taking it all in. about two hours before i had to catch a train back out to the burbs, we went back to downtown, and sat at a fountain. a great close to the day. i share lauren's love for fountains. i guess i just like water shooting up in the air. ha.

i guess the most interesting thing to me about the whole day is that it wasn't the sights we saw that were really breathtaking. it wasn't the weather. truly, i can't really put my finger on it, but there was just something about being in the city that was exciting and new. the small intricacies of parking on the street, having a monthly bus/train pass, having no personal space, and being so close and so far away from the vast majority of the people you see everyday just really drew me in for some reason. perhaps, it's simply curiosity. a life different than my own.

i'm not really sure what it was that drew me in, but i do know that for most of the train ride home, i couldn't get my mind off of the city. maybe i'll live there someday. i can't help but think that it would really open my eyes to get out of suburbia sometime and wrestle with new ideas/challenges. just a thought.

calm

2008-08-31T16:17:00.003-05:00

so, it's been a while since my last blog. this is greatly because i'm not great at remembering to blog. ha. anyways, the last couple of weeks have been pretty interesting. a lot and nothing has happened, or at least that's how it feels.

i got a job at the gap. that's exciting (kinda). it's not ideal, but hopefully it will get me closer to being able to survive on a month by month basis! fantastic. other than that, we've just been trying to get everything prepared for the season of ministry that is about to be upon us (program starts next weekend)! it is kind of the calm before the storm, i guess.

and i'm having to work very hard to savor the calmness of it all. i like to be busy. i have a really hard time staying sane when i don't have a lot to do. however, in that, i think God is teaching me a lot about how sometimes we just need to enjoy sabbath and be recharged. it's not easy, but it is really important that in our walk with God that we enjoy and embrace rest when it comes.

psalm 46:10 is hard to embrace, but i think that when we do actually embrace it, it will revolutionize our lives. so, if you're in a calm period right now, enjoy it, and take time to enjoy something that you don't normally have time to enjoy.

i'm back

2008-08-20T16:12:00.002-05:00

so, yesterday i had probably one of the worst travel days in the history of mankind. however, the great thing is that it had nothing to do with a storm of any type, natural disaster, or catastrophe of any sort. it was all because my train ran late for no legitimate reason. 6 hours late. and i missed going to my very first cubs game with some of my favorite people in good ole chicagoland! however, the cubs did end up winning the game! *perhaps, i would have been bad luck for the cubs, and thus, God did not want me in attendance...

anyways, i think yesterday was overall one of the most inconvenient days that i have ever had. [i wanted to say "worst" instead of "inconvenient", but that would have probably been inaccurate. however, it sure didn't feel merely "inconvenient" yesterday.] the crazy/hard thing about it was that i did everything humanly possible to get to chicago (from atlanta) by game-time, and it just didn't happen. there was absolutely nothing i could do. and i think that is what really angered me about the whole situation. we are conditioned to feel like if we give 110%, then everything will work out. however, that's just not the way it is.

now, looking back on the situation, i see how much this looks like the life that i live so often.

i work work work as hard as i can, and then, i get angry when i don't get what i feel like i deserve. the cool thing is that God's timing is a lot better than ours. and He sees every situation from every different angle. so, i can rest easier knowing that even though i feel like my efforts should yield a certain result, God is working all things together for a much greater purpose and i should just be happy that He is letting me be a part of it!

basically, i don't understand why God didn't let me get where i wanted when i wanted, and that is ok.

sometimes, i think we take bigger steps by giving up than by trying harder. sometimes, we need to just accept our finiteness [and even embrace it]. God is bigger than our plans, and for that, we should be grateful.

christian talk radio

2008-08-17T21:36:00.001-05:00

i know that two blogs in one day is unprecedented and completely ludicrous, but my experience tonight merits a post.

sometimes i get caught up listening to christian talk radio. don't judge me. there's just something about it that catches my attention. sometimes, i will listen to it for hours on a long trip. it's kind of like the npr for the southern baptist mind. ha. anyways, often i am appalled at the things i hear. it is truly amazing to me what these folks choose to talk about for ridiculous amounts of time.

so, tonight i was driving home from zaxby's (which is delicious and i wish we had them in illinois), and ran across a little christian talk radio program. the topic at this particular point in the program was brought up by a caller from ohio. the caller said that he was talking to someone the other day about jesus (which he explained by saying, "i talk about jesus in public any chance i get"), and they brought up wine. at this point, i start laughing in the car. by myself. it just really struck me as funny. anyways, he went on to ask the host of the program a question about where he could find verses in the bible that supported his theory (which is shared by many conservative evangelicals) that the wine that jesus and the disciples drank *and the water Jesus turned to wine was, in fact, unfermented wine (grape juice).

now, let me preface my next statements by saying this:

i am not blasting either point of view here.

however, upon hearing this question and the subsequent response, i could not help but wonder why we care so much about whether the juice was fermented or not. what does it really matter? how have we made the alcohol issue so big, that when this man begins talking to someone who is far from God, that the conversation immediately turns to the issue of Jesus drinking wine. *i am talking about the consumption of alcohol, not drunkenness-the bible is very clearly against drunkenness.

perhaps i am just simple minded, but are we so easily distracted that we will be utterly consumed by peripheral concepts that do not pertain directly to the nature and character of God that we totally miss the major crux of the gospel?

here is my proposition (for me and anyone else reading this): let's love God as much as we possibly can. let's love Him like He's never been loved before. let's seek His truth in every situation. and let's work out our salvation in fear and trembling... maybe when we begin to do this, we will become so focused on Jesus that everything else (all the peripherals) will simply fall into place.

it's just a thought, but i feel like it could be really cool if we all tried it!

weekend goodness

2008-08-17T10:38:00.001-05:00

so, as promised, i have a little more to say about crazy love. here's the strange thing, some of the stuff really started resonating with me much more this weekend.

my adventures this weekend have been quite interesting! i taught at my first worship conference, i have been at the atlanta airport 3 times in the past 2 days (and will be there again tomorrow morning), and i met and spent a lot of time with one of the most interesting people/best songwriters that i have ever met (you know his songs). great/crazy weekend. however, the entire time, i have had a strange feeling about being here.

the weirdness started on my way to my parents' house from the airport. i was talking to andrew (he picked me up from the airport. what a great friend. *this is before he dropped my phone in sweet tea.), and i told him about how weird it felt to be back in GA. it's not a bad thing...i just don't feel like this is where i'm supposed to be anymore. there is nothing for me here. *which is really an answered prayer because it would've been really awful if i would have gotten here and been ready to move back! ha. but it really solidified in my heart and gave me total assurance that i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be (at willow)!

so, anyways, as i was teaching sessions at the school of worship (which was amazing) on how to run a rehearsal, God really just spoke to me about what rehearsal is really about. it is, of course, on the surface, how we get the band ready to play for our services on sundays. however, it is so much more than that! it is the time that we have set aside to empower and encourage our student band members, and i think that is really the main idea (for me) behind it. rehearsal has the potential to be a really boring and possibly frustrating time. but i really have seen now that rehearsal is just one of the avenues that God has given me to share His crazy love with our students.

if i'm doing my job and really leading them, i think that they will go out and share His love with others. *and that is when the real worship happens!!!!!

so, leaving GA tomorrow, i am very thankful for where God has me and what He has me doing! very cool.

back in GA

2008-08-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

so, i'm back in the great state of GA this weekend to teach a couple of sessions at a student worship conference called the school of worship. i'm really excited to be a part of it! however, it does just feel weird to be back in the state. not bad. just weird. but it has definitely already been a really hilarious trip!

last night, i was eating at my favorite restaurant in the world (the border mexican restaurant in carrollton, ga), when possibly one of the funniest things i've ever seen happened... i was talking about my ridiculously bad luck with phones and how i always have to go get my phone replaced because they always mess up. at this point, i said, "yeah. this is my 4th phone since the end of december, but it's never anything i do. something always just happens (keep in mind: up until this point, every problem that i've had with a phone has been software issues or things of like nature). anyways, when i finished that sentence, it was as if the stars aligned and the phone gods frowned upon me. as soon as the word "happens" comes out of my mouth, andrew owensby (bff and drummer extraordinaire) drops my phone straight into his full glass of sweet tea!!!!! fully submerged. fully. never has such irony occurred in my life. *i must say at this point that if my phone is to be dropped in a beverage, i could not ask for a better one to receive it. the border's sweet tea is seriously probably my favorite sweet tea ever, even better than chickfila...

anyways, it was funny that andrew dropped the phone, but the timing is really what did it. unbelievable. but thanks to a very quick rescue effort and much time with a hair dryer, the phone seems to have escaped unscathed.

crisis averted.

crazy love

2008-08-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

so, i'm just going ahead and putting this out there, but this will probably not be my last post on the amazing book by francis chan, crazy love. after repeated conversations with scott woods about this book (by the way, these were all conversations based on the cover and the intro), i decided it was a must read for me.

i've been a chan fan (yes, i just coined that phrase) since i heard him at passion a few years ago. the message that he gave at the conference was one of the most significant in my spiritual development over the past few years.

i have a tendency to compare myself with others. for the good and the bad. i try to rationalize things that i do by falling into the "well at least i'm not doing this or that" trap. i also look at others and think to myself, "man, i wish i could play guitar as well as so and so, or i wish i could sing as well as... [you get the point]." and i've heard countless messages on the whole don't feel bad because you're not as good at something as someone else. however, chan's was the first message that i had heard on the sin of comparison as in not being prideful because of your supposed spiritual maturity...

it rocked my world. not in a cool/feel good, God-campy way. but in a-everything that i have ever done was out of the wrong intentions-i feel like such an idiot-i need to repent kind of way. definitely not the feel good message of the year but oh so necessary in the society in which we live (even within the church)!

that's the backstory...

so, i decided to buy crazy love and give it a shot. after all, i'm always up for reading something that will kind of change my perspective about stuff and what not. man, that does not even begin to describe the experience of this book. it has literally been devastating. it started as a near typical book about what is wrong with me (how convenient), but at about page 90, the intensity grew, and has lasted for the next 30 pages. at this point, i'm on page 120 or so and literally had to put it down for a while. it's really an exhaustingly truth-filled read.

chan's examination of the gospels and the book of revelation yield truly frightening results about the reality of lukewarm christianity--it doesn't exist. wow. for some reason, (i guess as a member of the american church) i've always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt in regards to not seeing the fruit of their supposed faith. however, now that i really think about it, Jesus never really gave the option of a middle road. it was always all or nothing. follow me or don't. sell everything you own or don't. there was no other option, and no matter how hard we search, i don't think that we'll find a true middle road now.

sobering thought, i know. but i think it is something that we all need to hear or at least be reminded of.

let this encourage you towards love and good deeds...

rise

2008-08-07T15:48:00.000-05:00

we just finished a 3 day service event called rise. we took the students out to different community care and public service organizations to let them get a real glimpse of the poverty and needs that exist even right here in mchenry county. it started out kind of slow for our group (we were with a van full of 6th graders). but by the end of the adventure, i think the kids really did gain a good grasp of how many needs there are in our community and how much God really does care for each of them. It all culminated with the packaging of food at an organization called "feed my starving children." it was a truly amazing time. in a few hours of work, we packaged enough food for 49 kids to be able to eat for 1 year. it was really incredible to see how little effort produced such a great outcome!

yo

2008-08-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

hey everyone. this blog is going to be my attempt to keep everyone up to date as to what is going on in my life and all that jazz. i promise i'll try to post very regularly!!!